Sludge, Stress, and Soft Steps Forward

Bubbles and Batches Gone Wrong

This week was filled with disappointment and stress. Having spent the last year away from the soap molds, I finally sat down in late September to restock my shelves for the Halloween season. It turns out that when you put things off until the very last minute, you realize just how out of practice you really are.

The result? Two completely failed batches. The ingredients separated, leaving all the oils floating on top of a sludgy, gooey mess that had absolutely no intention of ever becoming a solid bar of soap. In total, 101 ounces of expensive oils and premium butters went straight into the trash.

Back in 2024, I tried "master-batching" my lye water—a technique where you prep a concentrated blend ahead of time, pour half your water, and trust the measurements are perfect before adding the rest. I did it wrong then, and I clearly did it wrong this year. I guess I’m just not built to do things the easy way.

Defeated but determined, I made another batch, mixing the lye and water on the spot. It seemed to work! But when I went to cut it the next day, it was incredibly soft. A quick "WTF did I do wrong?" Google search revealed my water-to-oil ratio was too high. Following internet advice, I set the bars in front of a fan to firm them up. Two days later, they were out of the mold and cut. They are still soft-ish, but they’re hardening. Because of the heavy water content, this batch will likely require a six-to-eight-week cure time instead of the usual four to six.

Thankfully, I pivoted. I created a few new recipes using some of my more unusual ingredients, like kokum and mango butters, with a much lower water value. They are setting up beautifully.

The Insurance Fiasco Continues

The real stress, however, is coming from my insurance. To give you a quick recap of the fiasco that started in September: I buy my coverage through a discount site. During the summer, money gets tight for us because both my husband and I drive for the local school bus company—meaning summers are unpaid. I put off my insurance premium until the absolute last minute, which unfortunately happened to be four days after my mastectomy.

Feeling a little silly in the head from surgery, I logged onto the site and made the payment at 5:24 PM. They canceled my policy anyway. Why? Because I missed the fine print stating it was due by noon. When I reached out to the county to explain, the response was basically a polite version of, "Sucks to be you."

Then, on September 7, 2026, I ended up in the ER. I was septic with a MRSA infection and rushed into emergency surgery. I spent the next three days in the hospital. Thankfully, the hospital administrators figured out what my case manager wouldn't; they secured me zero-premium, zero-copay state insurance for the entire month of September.

My case manager assured me that in October, my primary insurance would take over, and the state would kick in to cover the rest, leaving me with no out-of-pocket costs. Well, that doesn't seem to be true. I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon this coming Wednesday, and the estimate is nearly $400. I am still not working, and I simply cannot afford that. The stress is overwhelming, and it's no wonder my body won't heal. I’m in constant pain, and I’m supposed to start chemo in November.

Gentle Giants and Lifelines

Through all of this, my friends have been my lifelines. I haven't mentioned my friend Deb much before. She owns Great Danes, and a couple of weeks ago, she lost one of them, Sasha. While it broke Deb's heart, it was a blessing for Sasha, who had cancer and had lost a devastating amount of weight. I am so thankful Deb brought Sasha and her other Dane, Xena, over to see me a week before Sasha passed.

Yesterday, Deb brought Xena by for a visit. I’ll never forget the first time I met Xena. I walked into the office where Deb was working as an editor at the time, saw this massive dog, and nearly pooped myself on the spot. But we quickly became best friends. During our visit yesterday, we talked about Deb's upcoming trip to Cancun this December. I jokingly decided she should pack me in her suitcase. I’ve been to Cozumel and Playa del Carmen, but never Cancun. Heaven knows I deserve a vacation after everything I’ve been through, but with chemo starting in November, it's just not in the cards. Cue the abundance of sadness and stress.

Still, I am so thankful for the people in my life, even the ones I don't see every day. Take Steven and his husband, Wayne. I met Steven when I was working as a newspaper editor; he was my right hand, the Shaggy to my Scooby-Doo. In fact, we were just one signature away from buying the newspaper from our big boss, Nikki.

Steven and I met for coffee the other day and talked through the past, present, and future. I miss working with him. While I wasn't the world's best editor—I was the kind who practically needed spellcheck just to write my own name—I loved that job. But looking back, things worked out for the best. Not even six months after we walked away from buying the paper, I was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer. Running a paper from home during all of this would have been entirely too much. Steven did text me the other day with the sad news that their Chihuahua Jasmine passed away, what a very sad time for his family.  

And then there is Nikki, my former boss. She made everything look effortless. She is nearly a doctor, runs her own office, has four kids, and owns another local paper. She does it all. She could glance at a layout I put together and instantly spot a missing line between stories or an overlooked text jump. I wanted to learn everything from her, but a devastating event in her life combined with my impending diagnosis meant we couldn't be boss and coworker anymore. I miss learning from her every day. I’m not sure how she found out about my recent struggles—I must have sent her a link to this blog—but she sent me a card a few weeks back. It left me completely goofy and misty-eyed.

If I could go back and handle the stressors of my past a little better, I think I would. But despite the cancer, I can still say I’m happy with the life I have.

Looking Ahead: The Day of the Dead

Next week, the hustle continues. I will be making products for the Day of the Dead Show on October 31, 2026. I truly hope you'll come out to see Linda, Blanche (who might come hang out!), and me.

My goal is to prep 7 to 10 different soap scents, featuring both regular bars and gluten-free options for my bestie and everyone else who can't tolerate gluten. I will also have candles from Whispering Fairy Wicks and Alluring Tranquility, alongside wax melts, room sprays, lotions, and whipped body butters. If time allows, I’m also going to try throwing some bath bombs and carpet freshener onto the shelves.

As these items come together, I’ll upload them to the site and drop updates right here in the blog so you can shop the collection. Thank you for walking this unpredictable road with me.

Until next time... keep finding joy in the ordinary, hope in the hard days, and strength you didn't know you had.

Thanks for walking this journey with me.